Nechama Comfort Presentation

7/30/2019 Nechama Comfort Presentation

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NechamahComfortCongregation Rinat Yisrael

May 5th, 2013

2013 Nechamah Comfort, Inc.

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Topics

What is infancy/pregnancy loss?

Understanding the grief

Phases of bereavement

The Jewish view

Family and community response

Nechamah

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What is Infancy/Pregnancy Loss?

Perinatal loss includes:

Miscarriage

Ectopic pregnancy

Medical interruption

Stillbirth

Newborn death

Twin or high order birth loss

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Understanding the Grief4

Grief is experienced in relation to the significance ofattachment. Pregnancy involves many levels ofattachment:

Planning the pregnancy

Confirming the pregnancy

Accepting the pregnancy

Feeling fetal movements

Accepting the fetus as an individual

Giving birth

Hearing seeing and touching the baby

Caring for the infant


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Understanding the Grief (cont)5

Infant/Pregnancy loss is different from other losses:

The loss is usually sudden and unexpected

The way our culture expects us to handle the loss

When we lose older family member or friends, we haveconcrete memories and mementos of their lives

With infancy/pregnancy loss, we have unfulfilled dreams,hopes, and what ifs


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Understanding the Grief (cont)6

Things you may experience or notice in othersexperiencing grief:

Physical signs fatigue, lost or increased appetite, sleepproblems, headaches, restlessness

Emotional denial, guilt, anger, depression, sadness, sense offailure

Social withdrawal from normal activity, isolation


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Phases of Bereavement7

Four phases of bereavement:

1. Shock and numbness

2. Searching and yearning

3. Disorientation

4. Reorganization and resolution

The stages dont necessarily happen in order

Not everyone experiences all stages Everyone experiences bereavement on their own

timeline


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Phases of Bereavement (cont)8

Four tasks of mourning:

1. Accept the reality of the loss

2.Work through the pain of grief

3.Adjust to an environment without the baby

4.Find a place for the babys memory and move on with life


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The Jewish View9

Spiritual effects that may result from a loss:

questioning of your core beliefs

searching for the meaning of the loss

changing the level of your involvement in religious life

anger with God

longing for a sense of connectedness and community, or

distancing oneself from the community


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The Jewish View (cont)10

Guidelines for infancy/pregnancy loss differ amongRabbis and communities.

Things to consider in any Jewish loss situation: hospital remembrances

naming preparation and burial

shiva

memory objects

yahrtzeit -memorial

yizkor

It is very important to consider the parents feelings inthese matters and present all options to them


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Family and Community Response11

Each family member deals with this grief in theirown way

Family dynamics determine the way each family

member responds Extended family may not be able be support the

parents as fully as the parents would wish

Because there is typically no formal shiva, many

members of the community have not known how toreact to the grieving family


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Family and Community Response (cont)12

When your friend or family member is grieving,dont: dominate conversations

use clichs: I know how you feel, at least you have other

children, you can always have another, at least you reallydidnt know your baby, this only happens to people who canhandle it, its a test from God and God only tests people Heloves, youll see the baby when Mashiach comes

passjudgment: you should be feeling better by now

avoid the couple because you are personally uncomfortable change the subject if they want to talk about the baby

give legal or medical advice, or suggest they had bad care


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When your friend or family member is grieving, do:

reach out to them and acknowledge their loss

talk with mothers and fathers, siblings, and grandparents

allow them to express their feelings without passing judgment

Refer to the baby by name if they have named the baby

contact them when you say you will

understand if theydont come to your significant life events

ask about the funeral if there was one

Allow for silence

remember they may grieve at significant milestones

be genuine and caring


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Take cues from the family as to how members of thecommunity should react:

visitors vs. privacy

providing meals

help with other children

It is helpful if the community has a trained facilitator to dealwith families for example, the Rabbi or Rebbetzin, a localsocial worker, or someone experienced with loss

Remember it is never too late to express yourfeelings to a family about the loss of their baby


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Nechamah15

Nechamah is a non-profit organization dedicated tohelping those who have experienced infant andpregnancy loss at any time in their lives. services to family members, clergy, members of the community, and

medical personnel immediate attention at the time of the loss to answer questions and

offer support

individual counseling

support groups

Jewish community awareness

guidance available to Rabbis and Rebbitzens

help in developing support groups in other communities and Israel


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Questions?16


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THANK YOU!17

Visit the Nechamah website at:

www.nechamahcomfort.org

To contact Reva Judas:

phone: 201 692 9302 email: [email protected]

Please help by making a donation toNechamah Inc.

All donations are 100% tax deductible. Donations can be mailed to:

642 Maitland Ave., Teaneck, NJ 07666

Nechama Comfort Presentation

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